Team USA: Missing the Mother Country

I love the Olympics: the tradition, the fanfare, the camaraderie, the patriotism, the competition, and the spectacle of it all. I also love that for a couple of weeks, a good chunk of the world is focused on something that isn’t so crappy for a change, even if it’s only temporary.

So first thing this morning, I did a quick google search to see which events were on, found out swimming was one of them, then googled Michael Phelps. Because Michael Phelps is swimming. Michael Phelps kicks ass.

When I found this headline: “Michael Phelps barely advanced to the final of the men’s 400m IM” (what?? seriously?) I clicked it immediately.

I didn’t realize I was on the NBC website until I saw this:

I clicked on the link that would take me to said “non-event video” available to people like me, U.S. citizens who live abroad, and. I found. This.

I hope you didn’t watch the whole 3:12 of this video. Please tell me you didn’t. Because if you did, it’s three precious minutes of your life that you will never get back. Yet, 1.5 million people watched this on YouTube. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? This is apparently a viral sensation in the U.S.

This is all I have of my mother country for the next sixteen days. Carly Rae Jepsen and other Carly Rae Jepsen-esque useless filler. This and text headlines. I miss you, America.

So welcome to my life for the next two-plus weeks. Welcome to a sample of the utterly stunning U.S. Olympic coverage that U.S. citizens who live abroad can watch thanks to Olympic broadcasting rights.

That video. Should never have happened.